SEXUAL ABUSE - 27th January 2008

UNMASKING THE MONSTER

SEXUAL ABUSE(Praise Fowowe)

At the network today. It was a great time as Ego Ijeh took us to the realm of imagination with an usual facilitation of the meeting. There were presentations by Davieson Ojo, Olu-Josh and Cynthia.
The issue for discussion today was child sexual abuse and on the panel were Uforma Ighereluo, Adaeze Odimgbe, Tene Iseoritse, Florence Udu, Ego Ijeh and Mr Praise Fowowe. They all shared how they were sexually abused at tender ages and a show of hand to ascertain the sexually abused among the people present at the meeting also revealed that majority of the people have been sexually abused.
Below is an excerpt of the meeting and what members are required to share with the people on their streets as presented by Praise Fowowe
We are starting the year on a high and that is why we have decided to look into the plague that destroyed our childhood and is still destroying a lot of people.We shall be looking at child sexual abuse.For a long time I kept wondering why so many of us seem to have become very helpless when it comes to handling our sexuality? Why would adults (fathers, uncles, brothers etc) want to have sex with the younger ones?I have related with thousands of young people and most of the ones I met at a point in time were sexually abused by the people close to them including yours truly. So it is not impossible that one child as we are talking right now is being sexually abused. Where were the parents when all these were happening? A young lady told me of how her uncle raped her at age 9, another lady told us of how it was the father (yes you heard me right) that defiled her. How about a lady who told me about how over 5 pastors have slept with her?You might want to hold these girls responsible for their misfortune but wait before you cast the stone.- Why would a lady hate the fact that a guy was violating her yet being unable to say no?- Why would a guy grow up too be sexually active and become uncontrollable with his sexual appetite?- Why would a father of a lady that is close to 20years run after his daughter’s 18year old friend?- Why do we have so many teenage pregnancies and the spate of Aristos is on the increase in our campuses?- Why do we have more young girls join the red light district zone(prostitution) when they are fully aware of the implication of their actions?- Why do we have so much helplessness around us?SEXUAL ABUSE
Statistics

Experts estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthdays. This means that in any classroom or neighborhood full of children, there are children who are silently bearing the burden of sexual abuse.1 in 5 children are sexually solicited while on the Internet.Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.The median age for reported sexual abuse is 9 years old.Approximately 20% of the victims of sexual abuse are under age eight.50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are under age twelve.Most child victims never report the abuse.Sexually abused children who keep it a secret or who "tell" and are not believed are at greater risk than the general population for psychological, emotional, social, and physical problems, often lasting into adulthood.It is also likely that you know an abuser. The greatest risk to children doesn't come from strangers but from friends and family.30-40% of children are abused by family members.As many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts- abusers frequently try to form a trusting relationship with parents.Nearly 40% are abused by older or larger children.People who abuse children look and act just like every one else. In fact, they often go out of their way to appear trustworthy to gain access to children.Those who sexually abuse children are drawn to settings where they can gain easy access to children, such as sports leagues, faith centers, clubs, and schools.

Source: www.darkness2light.org.
NOTE- please make sure your sessions are as interactive as possible and it must start with you sharing your experiences and in case you don’t have any share the ones you have heard from people or stories you have read before. Give room for the members of your center to do the talking while you carefully ask questions that can make them talk more.
Week 1What is sexual abuse?
- Start the session by generating questions that can make the participants to open up i.e How many of us were touched by an elderly person when we were young? Or try to know how many of them used to play daddy and mummy game when they were young?- Seek to know the content of the play. What were the things they were doing during the daddy and mummy play and where did they learn it from?
Sexual abuse is a situation when the vulnerability of a minor is taken advantage of by a major or a fellow minor for sexual satisfaction. It could be between family relations, friends, guardians (teachers, pastors) etc. one thing that is common is that the intention is for sexual pleasure.
There are basically two types of sexual abuse: the first being sexual abuse by interaction (when the prey is directly touched). Examples of this include –- Asking a minor to touch your genitals or touching his/her genitals- Forcefully/subtly trying to force yourself on a minor- Prolonged and unnecessary sexual touches
The second is the abuse by orientation (when the prey is not directly touched) and this include- Exposing a minor to pornography- All the porn magazine and x-rated movies on display- Songs with strong sex appeal- Having sex in the presence of a minor (especially parents who live in the same room with their children) etcThe abuser is called the predator while the abused is called the prey.The predator would usually capitalize on the break in communication between the child and the parents to perpetrate this act. We must however state here that not everybody that was sexually abused remembers. But that you don’t remember doesn’t exempt you from the effect of the abuse as is evident in our world now.One thing that all the participants must take home at the end of this week is the fact that people who have been sexually abused are naturally re-conditioned at the realm of their thinking to think of themselves as things and not as beings. That is why so many girls find it difficult to say no to men and the men as well couldn’t say no to the ladies.
REVIEW
At the end of the session all your participants must have learnt about:The definition of sexual abuseThe types of sexual abuseWhy people are sexually abusedThe reconditioning processConclusion – The bad thing about abuse is that it is a cycle that goes on and on. So you have a situation where the abused goes on to abuse others who also go on to abuse others.

Week 2
Today shall look at the different reasons why people abuse othersWHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?- Past Abuse – people who have been abused abuse others-
Low self esteem – people who have esteem problems take advantage of minors-
Sex addiction – people who are addicted to sex would naturally look for every means to satisfy their urges-
Vengeance – some people who have been violated in the past look for opportunity to inflict the same pain on innocent people.
- exposure to pornography and other forms of sex stimulants
Beware of:-
People you are very free with who cuddle you all the time, they could be using you for sexual pleasure
- People who don’t see anything wrong with pornography
- People who seek to make you watch any form of sexually explicit movie with them
- Adults who call young people their wives- Movies and songs that are not compatible with your values
According to darkness to lightUnderstand why children are afraid to "tell."The abuser shames the child, points out that the child let it happen, or tells the child that his or her parents will be angry.The abuser is often manipulative and may try to confuse the child about what is right and wrong.The abuser sometimes threatens the child or a family member.Some children who do not initially disclose abuse are ashamed to tell when it happens again.Children are afraid of disappointing their parents and disrupting the family.Some children are too young to understand.Many abusers tell children the abuse is "okay" or a "game.

"Week 3
Effects of sexual abuse
Ask the participants to share their experiences when it comes to the effect of sexual abuse
- low self esteem
- suicidal tendency
- sexually promiscuity – some of the victims become very loose
- sexual anorexia – some of the victims detest the opposite sex and settle for same sex relationship
- hatred – they find it very hard to love
- abusive relationships – most of them find themselves in abusive relationships
- unwanted pregnancy
- Sexually transmitted infections – a man confessed to being infected with gonorrhea by his aunt who sexually abused him when he was young and he didn’t know about it till he was married and couldn’t father a child.
- Prostitution – I have never met a prostitute that was not sexually abused
- Secrecy
– Victims keep a lot of secret
-Fits of anger- Depression
- They also become predatorsEtc

Week 4
Solutions to sexual abuse
- Openness – The victim must learn to talk about it to become free.
- Forgiveness – You couldn’t have done anything about the person that abused you so forgive him because most of the predators were also sexually abused
- Channeling – Channel your pain and use your story to heal others-
Stop the cycle- The baton must have been passed to you but it must end with you.
- Mentoring/counseling – Try and look for a trusted counselor (preferable same sex) and submit yourself for accountability.
- God factor – It takes God to heal so ask him to come into your heart and totally heal you.
- Prosecution – The predator could be prosecuted as we have agencies that can take up the case ie media concern against sexual violence for women and children

Conclusion – We must all know that the key to a sexually pure generation is for us to stop sexual abuse. Irrespective of what must have happened in the past to the victim God can give them a fresh start. While they couldn’t have done anything about the past they have another opportunity to take their life back and get it right once again so that a new generation can start with them. Challenge the people to respect the opposite sex and their fellow sex as beings and not use them as things.It is time to live again

Note – if you have any case that required an urgent attention from us please feel free to call 08037269483 or 07028191510Thanks for being a blessing to your generation